I don’t normally write about such personal stuff as I know people are going through their own difficulties and tragedies but this has been building up and true to my writing heart this is how I deal with my emotions and thoughts, by releasing them onto a page. I’m not sure who, if anyone, will read this, but if they do then perhaps they might relate or recognise some sort of feeling from it, that they’re not alone. Most of all I wish people would make sure they try and treasure the good humans in their lives, whatever their relationship, even if it’s sitting in silence with each other and having a cup of tea.
My mum has Alzheimer’s.
I’ve never written down those words before.
We’re two and a half years into it. She’s very poorly, enduring this horrible illness. She doesn’t know us anymore, has no recollection of her life or her family. I’m raising two daughters without my mum by my side, I never thought I’d have to do that. It’s by far the hardest journey I’ve ever been on, and it’s not over yet, it’s an emotional slog. We’re grieving the time we’ve lost and the time we could’ve had. For everyone else living through this or those that have lost their mum or a loved one, I send you love and strength.
Look for the simple moments in time…they’re the moments that mean the most.
I miss her every day.
But there’s moments like this when I miss her the most.
Being by my side for a cup of tea, whilst waiting for the baby to wake.
The peace and calmness of a bookshop cafe, a teacake for us both to snack on, while the bottle warms.
Pleasant onlookers complimenting my child, your granddaughter, and the smile that would light up your face.
Just a memory now, one that makes my heart so heavy it hurts, but a small moment of the normalcy we once had that I will hang onto forever.